"I Don't Like Leaving Meat in a Car." A Search for Controversy.
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The obligatory back story…
The Lake Tahoe trip had ended. It was also the ending of another beautiful summer weekend in Northern Nevada. Hot? Oh, certainly. I don’t complain though. I would never think to spit into the eyes of the Sun God and imply he was working too hard.
Sun-burnt, slightly dehydrated, moving towards nap mode, the four of us sat sluggishly in my living room. Beach paraphernalia had been redistributed to their proper owners: The book covered in sand and lotion was returned to its’ reader, the trash had been tossed, and wet towels were pulled from soggy duffle bags and left to dry in the sun. Indeed, the hard part of the trip was over.
I was in the process of slipping into my typical, post-beach, melanoma-induced coma when one of our numbers shook off his lethargy to ask, “Did anyone see a bag of meat?”
“Meat?” I mumbled.
“Yeah. Those left over brats and hamburgers? They were in a white plastic bag?” We all searched our collective memory banks in vain for an errant bag of animal protein and we only did this because it was easier than actually getting up and searching the house.
“No,” was all I could manage.
“Uh-uh,” answered another.
“Splurp.” Replied the third, not even pretending to try.
Neither impressed with our responses or confident that we were taking heroic measures to solve the mystery, the questioner got up and announced he was going to check his vehicle saying, “I don’t like leaving meat in a car.”
As he went through the door I ruminated on his comment. It was a petition I was willing to sign. Unlike the bevy of Republican presidential hopefuls who happily sign any pledge put before them, I tend to apply my moniker, a bit more sparingly. But…no. This was something I could get behind. I also, do not like leaving meat in a car.
As I mentally congratulated myself for having taken a stand, it occurred to me that my new position was, quite possibly, the least controversial topic ever. I idly wondered if this was how Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle came to pass. That being said…the thought served as a dopamine drip for a problem that had been previously plaguing my every waking thought…what should my next controversial Hub be about?
The Search for Controversy…
The sheer volume of printed words stretching from papyrus to iPads would suggest that all written topics that can be done…are indeed, done. Some have been done quite well, while others---not so much--and, still others, have been done to death. I myself have contributed to all three forms of the genre. Is controversy necessary? Not at all. Is it fun? Oh, yeah. So from whence comes the next good idea?
Forums…
Like a homeless person pushing a purloined grocery cart through the ending stages of a large wedding reception, I haunt various Forums for ideas left on the table or which may have fallen under overturned chairs. These stomping grounds are seething with ideas that are often eloquently articulated but, more frequently, presented with the grace of a Mongolian warrior at a southern cotillion.
Both are entertaining and informative.
To understand the visceral response engendered by a lively forum dialogue (and the accompanying extraction of story ideas), I shall paraphrase the great Otto Von Bismarck (in keeping with our meat theme), “To retain respect for sausages and Hub articles, one must not watch them in the making.”
Obviously, the Forum title should serve to gird your sensibilities prior to entering the fray. In general you can expect that a Forum entitled, “Best Caramel Custard Recipe” will, in all likelihood, be a more staid affair than a forum advocating “Sterilize Everyone in Alabama.” Unless, of course, I have seriously overestimated the fighting spirit of Alabamans or, conversely, underestimated the passions fired up by good caramel custard.
I don’t typically post to the forum but, rather, use the interchange to tickle thoughts at the back of my mind. Your level of participation should be your own.
Politics…
In a nation so divided between Red and Blue there seems little hope that a tinge of purple will ever emerge. This lack of blurring of the color scheme, however, provides a never ending source of potential controversies:
Clean air is good. Dirty air is good for the economy. Women have the right to choose. Churches have the right to choose for women. Pets have the right to self expression. Self expression has the rights to pets. Global warming is a farce. Global warming is hot. Sterilization is good for Alabama. Alabama is good for sterilization. Michelle Bachman is a reasonable person. Wait…Michelle Bachman is a reasonable person? Guns don’t kill people, Republicans kill people. The Environmental Protection Agency is actually named Satan. Dick Cheney is suing the EPA for using his name…Satan.
I believe you see my point.
Conclusions...
Regardless of the topic, there are typically two sides to an issue. Your job (should you feel the need to spread controversy) is to pick the position you hold most dear and annoy the other side with your ideas.
With so many potential topics serving as grist for the enterprising scribe, it is typically a case of too many topics, rather than a dearth of them, that stays the writer’s hand.
That being said, perhaps we should return to MY problem. What am I supposed to do with a lost, white, plastic, bag of meat?
Hmmm…I wonder what Sarah Palin is up to?
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I like your style and the imagery that you portray. I feel like I was there, thinking about drinking water, whilst slouching on a blue couch, eyes half shut but enough to see the light. And then we moved on...
I like the way you transition. You are super-intelligent and do a great job of showing it in this writing. Co-mingling stories and ideologies, and a lot of other great stuff! I respect you as a writer and you inspire me. Nice job!
JSMatthew~
Barbergirl: Sadly the meat is still missing...happily...it was not my car! I always like to throw a surprise into my writing when possible. Thanks for your kind words and I am glad you enjoyed it.
J.S.: You honor me sir with your praise. I'm glad I was able to convey the story in such a way as you felt you were there. Had I known that was possible I would have cleaned up my living room before ya got there. :)
Na...I was just happy enough to show up! I was there, and I still am. I felt welcomed. No need for cleaning.
JSMatthew~
Now, there you go! Like I said before, I like your style. Or is it because you live "over the hill" from me in Reno? Anyway, your description of the Tahoe trip is something I could vision, and I'm glad the missing bag of meat is not in your car. Trust me. Not a pretty sight. Looking forward to your next piece.
Hi Arlene! The Sacramento-Reno "hands across Donner Summit" is a strong bond! I'm very glad you liked it!
Hi TS, i love your style of writing and feel that many other hubbers will too. Whether you make any dollars from it is another story, but i wish you well and will look forward to reading more of your educated ramblings. Cheers from Oz.
Hi Attempted...Thanks for stopping in and taking a peek at what I have to say. Dollars? ...yeah...I'm sponging what you're spilling...but for now...I'm having fun!
I also love your writing style. Humor in this day and age is an added bonus-the sugar in the coffee of life. Great job-held my interest through the comments at which point I did find the answer to my question. Hmmm was the meat left behind on the grill? LOL
I was intrigued by your meanderings that led to this write.
Very creative mode of finding topics to write about (via the forums). I always wonder why people say they cannot come up with anything-there's a whole world of topics to tackle.
Rated funny and interesting.
Hi Denise...It is very nice to meet you! There has actually been an update...yes...it was my dog Truman who got that one. Found remains of the bag in his bedding. Again...I'm glad to meet ya...I will be in the forums...sitting in the back...taking notes.
AHHH, the Marvelous Meat Mystery is solved. Mangled Meat bag found in Dogs bed.
hey Becky...yeah, the old adage is in play..."seek and ye shall find."
Found the meat remains? A small prayer for the meat.
There will be a private service for the meat remains. As you inspired the hub my friend...you are of course invited...lol! Again...welcome to Hubville...I eagerly await your first submission.
hahahaha, I LOVE this!!! Sadly, controversial topics find ME, but should I ever stumble upon a day sans rant, I know where to come for brainstormed ideas. Voted awesome and up!
Hi Storytellersus...Lol...welcome to my humble hubs and I am certainly glad you enjoyed my 'meatier' option here...lol. Thanks for stopping by!
Rated up and awesome! You're a fantastic writer and I'm going to follow you. Love your style of writing, and I don't usually read a hub twice right away, but I just did. :)
Hi Faceless...
Thank you so much...your words are far too kind considering the tripe I spew out. That said...most my readership re-reads my stuff to figure out what the hell I was talking about...You appear to have done it for enjoyment.
Thanks!
Thomas
Hi, Thomas!
This is my fourth (your) hub for tonight, and I really can't get enough of your sharp mind and your madness :)
Nemanja
Hi nemanjoboskov (shall I just call you neman?)...
OK...forget what I said about three hubs being the legal limit in Nevada...you can obviously handle your ThoughSandwiches.
That said...I am very glad you are still enjoying them.
PS....you may wanna stay away from Gaming with Avalon Hill...you will be disappointed...it sucked. Otherwise...continue to enjoy and I will continue to write!
Thomas
So, Thomas, you do, or rather did, write short pieces! I have only read the longer, convoluted epics. :) Short or long you appear to be in excellent form and high spirits.
The lazy, somnolent cat on my lap was quite irritated every time I laughed and disturbed him...its my house...he is the guest, not me.
But when I came to the second paragraph under sub title POLITICS he had had enough. Because I was howling with laughter by that point, he jumper down in high dungeon and went off to pout. So...
"Clean air is good. Dirty air is good for the economy. Women have the right to choose. Churches have the right to choose for women.... Sterilization is good for Alabama. Alabama is good for sterilization. .....Guns don’t kill people, Republicans kill people..... Cheney is suing the EPA for using his name…Satan."
To finally be succinct: this Hub may be short, but it is sharp, clever, and brilliantly funny. :) Theresa
Theresa...
(laughing) Wow...you are right...once upon a time I was able to write short concise pieces...gotta wonder what happened there... (please apologize to the cat for me).
If I recall correctly...this was my FIRST run in with the Palins...Mad savages are what they are. Also...I forgot about Cheney...ain't had him in a story in a bit...
I am very glad you like this, which for me...would essentially be an exercise in flash fiction. I think I may try and do a few shorties after I finish The Wizard of Reno...just to see if I can still do it...
Thanks!
Thomas
well written and very funny... I for one, do not mind leaving meat in a car, but I am trying to quit!
Highvoltagewriter...
Thank you for stopping by, taking a read, and leaving a comment! All three...very appreciated!
I admire your forthright admission towards leaving meat in a car. Admitting you have a problem is the first step in avoiding a putrid (meat related) smell in your back seat!
Thanks,
Thomas
Well I must admit - I was out scouting for The Pope and I ended up finding your lost meat hub:) Score!!
I am NOT sure what should should do with the bag - but don't let your meat loaf!
Kelly...
I am embarrassed to admit that you are not the first person who has gone looking for the Pope and ended up finding my lost meat hub. I tell ya...if I had a dime...
Even weirder? I found the pope in my car. He turned bad in the heat...
My loaf is on the job my friend!
Thomas
I can't believe I've never posted a comment about this hub before. It is one of my favorites. So here! I am now posted a comment. I am taking sides and I vote up this hub!
Thank you Jennie for bringing this hub to my attention. A most wonderful read, full of learning and providing ideas. Like you choosing is an issue and hooray for your choice. As TS points out purple is a nice color and I happen to like it much. And TS,thank you for sharing a tasty meal. If anything I have learned is marinating meat is a good thing - give it time. Thank you!
Jeannie...
Offers her a 'suspect' car-meat burger. Welcome back dear-ums and I am certainly am glad you were able to make it back. Yes...this is the reason no one asks me to bring stuff to potluck affairs....
Thomas
I will keep this in mind next time I want to get out of cooking for a potluck. Good idea!
This story reminds me of the true story of a woman who left groceries in her car on a hot day. She ran errands while her canned goods were exposed to 120 degrees heat in the car. She got back in the car to drive home. Suddenly there was a loud explosion. She took a major blow to the side of her head. She grabbed her head to find it was dripping red with blood clots. She called 911 fearing she would die. When they arrived the paramedics began to process her as if she had been shot in the head. However, there were no bullet holes to be seen anywhere. After a short investigation, it was determined the woman was not shot. The heat in the car heated a can of stewed tomatoes to the point where the can exploded and debris was splattered upon the woman's head. Great hub!
Very thought-provoking. And I just have to share that I once left mayonnaise in the car at the beach. Let's just say that I won't ever, ever eat mayonnaise again after what it did to me. :P Voted up and SHARING.
tsmog...You HAVE to love Mazda marinated meat. In an interesting twist...at this time of year in Reno...it is now possible to freeze your meat and beverage items in the car...as always...you must remember it's in there come June/July!
Thanks for stopping by for lunch!
Thomas
Jeannie....
To be COMPLETELY honest...it also helps if you have a history of food poisoning under your belt. I've poisoned with food before so that gives me...what I like to call...Kitchen cred.
Thomas
Tammy...
That is an awesome story! My first summer here in Reno I was driving along...stopped short...a can of coke rolls out from under the seat. I think to myself..."sweet, an unexpected coke!" lol...next thing I know...i here (click, click, click) The can exploded like a hand grenade. When I sold the truck a year later...there were STILL sticky parts!
Thanks for reading and sharing that great story!
Thomas
cclitgirl...
Ahhh...beach mayonnaise...those two terms...just don't go together.
As I tend to associate mayonnaise with dirty feet...I doubt that I would have fallen for it...still...I feel a bit queasy over what you must have gone through!
Thanks for sharing your mayonnaise story and my car-meat story!
Thomas
Where do I sign the petition? “I don’t like leaving meat in a car.” That is one I can agree with. I hesitate to write controversial opinions, mostly because the other side is likely to call my mother and we will have to have a "discussion," although I do have one brewing in my brain at the moment.
Millionaire...
I hoping to get the petition circulating in the front of Walmart stores by the beginning of summer...you know...the heat issue...
I also hesitate to embrace controversial topics for the same reason. As my mom has passed, any conversation would need to be of biblical proportions...I'm not ready for that...
I look forward to reading what comes out of your brain-brew. Please let me know when it publishes so I don't miss it!
Thanks for reading!
Thomas
Very, very funny stuff here! I'm glad I dropped by to read this one. Thumbs up all the way!
Billy...
THANK YOU for stopping good sir and I am very glad you enjoyed it! This story always reminds me of summer...
Thomas
I really like the way your thought goes and you writing is very interesting! It sounds like a great way to find the subject for the next hub too:)) I sometimes find it difficult to come up with an idea for the next hub so I think I will try your method and see what comes up! But sadly I do not have your ability to associate och get it together in the end!
Thanks for the inspirational hub, I am so glad I found this one! I love your humor! Voted up!
Tina
Tina,
Thank you for stopping by and leaving such an awesome comment! What I like to do is find half of a good idea in one place...and then half a good idea in another place and then try and stick them together.
It has the effect of surprising the reader and causing them to not notice that the two parts don't really fit. It's all smoke and mirrors my friend...smoke and mirrors...
Thomas
barbergirl28 Level 8 Commenter 9 months ago
Ha ha - I love your thought process. Never thought that leaving your meat in the car would turn into something political. Hope you find your bag of meat! LOL